Of Circumcision and the Very Buxom Nurse

To some, the mere mention of the word "circumcision" conjures up images of a particular piece of flesh being sliced into bloody bits by a rusty carving knife. The sort of thing you'd see in B-grade zombie movies.

I recall being nine years of age, laid down spread eagled on a cold operating table. I was draped in dark green surgical cloak that covered almost entire body save for my that particular piece of flesh, hereinafter it shall be referred to as my brother, out of sheer respect. Thank you. There was actually a hole in that cloth so that my brother could protrude out of his hiding place to take a good look around.

And look around he did. You see, coming of age, I was to be circumcised at a clinic of a Certified General Practioner (yes, if you are wondering - not those creepy, dark and shady medicine man that goes 'Hoonga! Hoonga!'). Everything was gleaming and shiny, from the syringe that is to be my preferred mode of torture and to the doctor's head. You see, according to my mum, Dr Tahir lost all of his hair by the tender age of 20.

I was so petrified, I was wailing aloud any verse of the Qur'an I could recall and for some reason only the young me can understand, supplications to ward off the devil. Shivering more because of the cold temperature of the room than fear, I must have knocked down the doctor's surgical set and broke some vials. Very calmly, he called for his nurse to bring in replacement kits.

This was when, for a reason the young me could never understand, my shivering little brother stopped shivering and stood upright at attention. Because in came a very buxom nurse and to say that she was quite a sight would be a understatement. Now, having exposed my upright thing to the buxom nurse, she whispered candy-coated words like "relax" and "it will only feel like an ant bite".

There was a slight pause so I could take a breather. And the next thing I knew, the doctor had driven his pneumatic drill into the foreskin of my poor brother who was still standing at attention. My legs kicked out like a bucking horse in reflex and struck the terrified nurse in the chest, which was in truth, very difficult to miss. All the while I was reciting aloud Qur'anic verses for some kind of help from above.

The only thing was that, there was really no copious amount of pain involved, not even for the nine-year old me. After a while I stopped seeking for divine intervention and stared at the doctor as if to say "Oh, like fuck, that was it?" And then I passed out.

A day later I received $100 from my dad for my bravery in undergoing the procedure and a whack on my head for humiliating him in front of the doctor.



[Note: Circumcision is a procedure of removing some or all of the foreskin from the penis. Circumcision is not mentioned in the Qur'an, but Muslims everywhere regard it as an essential practice. Source: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/facts/circumcision.htm, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision, http://www.circlist.com/rites/moslem.html]

Tags: circumcision, religious rites, coming of age

Melancholic Death of the Hypocritical Jihadist

He never set foot into a mosque. He never integrated into the mainstream community. He was above mainstream. To him, he was very knowledgable. On a daily basis, he would re-read the same literature which he perceived would expand his knowledge on his religion. This does not discount the fact his only knowledge is derived from a thwarted and erroneous English translation of a non-existent verse of the holy scripture. An acquaintant he met at a bar sent this through email alongside other spam emails like “Viagra for Children”. Naturally, he accepted it as the Word.

He had never come to learn of a single Arabic word, save for “Jihad”, which the media – which he took as a source of authority - mistranslates as “holy war”. At breakfast he slammed the tabloid unto the dining table deeply and very vocally grousing about the unfairness of the treatment of his kind in Palestine, Afghanistan and Iraq. He ranted to his wife that justice would prevail in these afflicted countries and how he would contribute with his life in securing their freedom from infidel infiltrators.

He said love and kindness and mercy of God will prevail. No more killing of his kind by infidels, he swore. When his wife sought for his kind assistance with the dishes, he lashed her with his belt to near-death.

On his computer later, he searched for the keywords “Holy scripture recitation” on youtube. At intermittence of every 10 seconds, he would switch windows to see how his download of “Black Man Humps Blonde Cheerleader” had progressed. 10 seconds to go. He was elated. 10 seconds later later, one could clearly hear the reading of Arabic verses punctuated by the unmistakable sound of insatiable moaning and groaning coming from his room.

“This is too much”, he complains. “The infidel Western media has gone overboard in corrupting minds! Jihad against infidels!”

He got up and strapped a time bomb around his waist. 10 minutes to go and the infidels will feel the wrath of God, he thought. There was no way the bomb could be stopped. He bought it at a discounted price over ebay the week before. He strode firmly out of his house and headed towards the nearest “Western” target, being a McDonald’s restaurant located at a mosque basement.

He finally arrived at his target location. Some kids there gathered around him, even asking for his permission to play with the cool toy strapped around his waist. He brushed them aside. He frowned at the children’s want for pleasure and fun, which he perceives as the Devil’’s trickery. Besides, he had no time. He had a date with 70 virgins awaiting him on the other side.

1 minute to go.

From where he was, he could faintly hear the imam from the mosque upstairs reading a translation of a selected verse: “...if someone kills another person, it is as if he had murdered all mankind. And if anyone gives life to another person, it is as if he had given life to all mankind...”

“I didn’t know that!” He was uncharacteristically bewildered. His mouth gaped wide open in shock as his fingers trembled in search for a button to switch off the mechanism…

The day after, the media reported in the newspapers: “Islamist Suicide Bomber Blasts Muslim Children at Mosque Basement”.


[Read: Religious Rehabilitation Group, The True Islamic Morals, U.S Tries Rehab For Religious Extremists]

Tags: holy war, jihad, rehabilitation

Repeal Penal Code s377A

"377A. Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of gross indecency with another male person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years." [Source: The Singapore Penal Code (Cap. 224_ section 377A]

Just because homosexuality does not square with my religious beliefs and I do not subscribe to the "alternative ideology", it does not mean I think gays ought to be legally criminal. Nor would I ever accept that my homosexual friends are technically considered outlaws by the state by virtue of this section.

We strive towards being what is called an "open and inclusive" society, are we actually marginalising people who we deem as being off-the-mainstream in the process? The following is a paragraph from Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong's inauguration speech:

26 We will continue to expand the space which Singaporeans have to live, to laugh, to grow and to be ourselves. Our people should feel free to express diverse views, pursue unconventional ideas, or simply be different. We should have the confidence to engage in robust debate, so as [to] understand our problems, conceive fresh solutions, and open up new spaces. We should recognise many paths of success, and many ways to be Singaporean. We must give people a second chance, for those who have tasted failure may be the wiser and stronger among us. Ours must be an open and inclusive Singapore.

If you believe that Singapore should repeal this archaic law against homosexuals, do take a moment to sign the online petition here: Repeal Section 377A.

[Alternative views: Decriminalising homosexual acts would be an error http://law.nus.edu.sg/news/archive/2007/ST_040507.pdf]

Tags: homosexual, gays, s377a, petition, law

Of ADHD and The One Who Gives a Damn.

For those of us who are unfamiliar, the Singapore education system segregates the mainstream and the special schools. While the mainstream schools fall under the ambit of the Ministry of Education, the special schools are run by welfare or charitable organisations. These schools are kept distinct such that children from the special schools will never, probably in their lifetimes, get a whiff of life in the so-called normal schools.

Children with mild levels of Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and dyslexia may be admitted into normal schools on a case-to-case basis.

An acquaintant of mine, whose son was recently diagnosed with ADHD, attends Primary 1 at a mainstream school here. Life at mainstream school for her son has almost literally turned into a living hell as his teacher takes the liberty to whack him on the head with a book almost on a daily basis, to get him to behave. He gets called less-than-graceful names like “stupid” and “retarded” by the teacher, who thinks that the boy takes advantage of the fact that he has ADHD.

ADHD is characterized by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity, as well as forgetfulness, poor impulse control or impulsivity, and distractibility.

Many, if not most of the local young teachers these days step into their teaching careers already with the mindset that teaching is a very demanding and stressful career, and it is. The media has also assisted very much in increasing stress levels by reporting the upward trend of the number of teachers receiving treatment at the Institute of Mental Health.

To add, today’s mainstream teachers are not equipped with the skills, compassion, intelligence and stamina to work with children with behavioural disorder, learning disabilities, emotional disturbance, autism, unspecified difficulties, physical disabilities and special abilities. As the nation look towards areas where children with special needs can be included in the mainstream classroom context, I believe it is shortsightedness to the point of negligence to insist upon a fully inclusive classroom for all students.

It is indeed cruel to designate an individual to the special school system, without giving him the benefit of a choice. However, until the mainstream system has equipped itself to work with and provide for the special needs of these children, the inclusive setting may not necessarily be the most suitable environment for them.

Tags: ADHD, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

"Beep... a Phone? No, a Brick".

"While that Nokia 'butterfly- button' phone was the must- have phone over a decade ago, some users complain that Nokia phones are 'too hi-tech' to use these days." - New Nokia Phone Gets Back to Basics, The New Paper, 5th October 2007.

I recall the frenzy my friends and I experienced when the Nokia phone was launched. It was missing all the commodities like the camera function, colour screen, mp3 player et cetera but back then it was the state of the art. It was how it was meant to be. I recall giving my best friend Syafiq's new butterfly phone the G-shock treatment by nonchalantly flinging it out of his mom's 2nd storey flat. Syafiq's still using the phone today, by the way.

I recall having to save up my pocket money by skipping breakfast, lunch and dinner to buy the phone. As a consequence, while adolescent boys are expected to grow, I actually started to shrink at 15. And I didn't buy the phone at the end. I bought a year's supply of McDonald's Happy Meals instead as a form of retribution to myself.

If you've been around a while, you'd realise that mobile phones go a long way back to a time when they truly look like bricks. Large, unbearably heavy and emitting intolerably huge amounts of radiation, these phones might be the cause for an upward trend of penile disorder in the early 1990's. They had a wonderfully long, thick, sturdy antennas which you can use for peripheral purposes like picking your nose, or satisfying your girlfriend.

My mother was far from joking though when she remarked that if only she owns one of these brick phones, she could use it as a weapon against would-be assailants . As a law student a few years back, I read about a few cases where people were charged for assaulting or severely injuring another person by whacking them using their mobile brick phones. As the phone was an expensive luxury, those accused all seem to be well to do: an associate professor, a doctor and an ex-politician.

To complement the brick phone's very conspicuous look, it came with very conspicuous pricetag which only the rich people up Nassim Hill could afford. And phone bills didn't come cheap either. Just a short call to say hello would cost a fortune, I was informed. It was a time when Singtel was the only telco around so they had all the monopoly. No one knew about M1, and Starhub hadn't even come into existence. It would probably be cheaper to pry out those huge 10 cent public phones off their wall socket and lug it around town.

I noticed how Chinese businessmen used to drag the brick phone around like some status symbol, but I've never seen any of these blokes actually use them. Like a stamp of their status and authority, they would at times pretend to talk (loudly) into the phone when clearly no one was at the other end, as confessed by my friend's father recently.

It was, according to him, the best phone he ever owned. He described how he would walk around Orchard Road and earned all those admiring glances. He felt sublime. But brick phone short-circuited on him one afternoon when it slightly drizzled.

Tags: brick phone, butterfly phone, classic phones, nokia

Educating Peter: A Reflection

"You think you're teaching him things, but really, he's teaching you things".

In my previous reflections on children with special needs, I talked about the need for the inclusion of children with disabilities in the mainstream school. It is sadly something not yet achievable in Singapore. I understood it was not going to be easy and that it will take time. Having no first hand experience dealing with children with disability in a mainstream classroom context, I didn’t realize how exactly difficult it was until I watched “Educating Peter”.

Teachers need to be trained the essential skills on how to deal with children with disabilities in general. With the segregation in training for mainstream and special disability teachers, I’m not too sure whether mainstream teacher would be resilient enough to handle the presence of a special child in the classroom. We saw how Peter’s teacher initially had to grapple and struggle to adapt. To add, his classmates were initially uncomfortable around him too (and for a peculiar reason, the boys were still uncomfortable around him at the end of the video).

Let me digress here a bit. In this video I saw the most beautiful side of being human. Peter’s classmates were kicked, punched and mangled to a pulp by him. But knowing Peter, never once did they retaliate. In fact, they handled the situation very well by trying to calmly reason with Peter. Will our kids in local schools be the same? Can they understand and be forgiving while they are being pulverized to a pulp every single day? Forgive me for being pessimistic, but I do not think so.

Peter's teacher overcame the situation with much patience, empathy and dedication. She was scared in the beginning. It’s fair and understandable to be scared. What's most important is that she overcame that fear. Many, if not most, of the local young teachers these days step into their teaching careers already with the mindset that teaching is a very stressful career. The media has also assisted very much in increasing stress levels by reporting the upward trend of the number of teachers receiving treatment at the Institute of Mental Health.

The National Institute of Education as taken a progressive step by introducing the theoretical Individual Differences module into its teacher training package. Will this module be enough to equip young, idealistic teachers to handle children with special needs in the mainstream classroom? Without practical knowledge, I fear that this training is far from being sufficient.

Tags: down's syndrome, learning disabilities, mainstream education, special needs, educating peter, peter video

Why I will Not Join Facebook

I’ve got mail. Lots of mail from people I hardly know, telling me they've added me as a friend on Facebook. These are the exact kind people known in Friendster as your 106th degree friend. You know, friend of friend or friend of friend…. Gotta catch them all. Heh. But really, if you are a friend, you wouldn’t be bugging me with this.

I have to admit, though, that the dark side does have its allure. What’s with virtual scrabble and the ability to cast Harry Potter spells on people you barely know. And everyone you know of speaks so fondly of it. Everytime I walk into my sister’s room, she’d be doing something on it rather than actually studying for her law exams. So there must be something to it.

But Facebook has been a source of major headaches for many companies. While others have adopted facebook as a motivational tool, many have taken the liberty to ban access to the site, citing it as the main cause of unproductivity and even harrassment.

My take on this is that Facebook can be a source of reprieve if you are stuck in the office all day. However, workers fearing the sack should not spend more than 5 minutes on it at a time. It might help you preserve your sanity but perhaps not your job. A former colleague of mine tells me that his new company even makes its staff take the "No Facebook from 9 to 5" pledge and all their computers are now bugged to prevent non-compliance. If you would regard this as scary, you're probably right.

Personally, I wouldn’t be signing up for Facebook in the nearest future, as I already have too much to grapple with. Things like psychology and physics would have to take precedence for the time being. Also, I do not feel the urgent need to cast Harry Potter spells on people (although mangling certain people physically to a pulp would be good). Nor do I wish to keep people in my list like some virtual pet.

So the next time you’re sending invites, feel free regard me as faceless.

Tags: Facebook, Friendster, harrassment, unproductivity

Of email ettiquette and the one that gives a damn.

"And I dun care. Reply here to tell me you have read this post".

The above is part of an email from someone who perceives himself (the gender has been changed to protect the identity of the scum person) as a high and mighty own-it-all vice president.

Firstly sir, your email sounds desperate. Are you that desperate and devoid of attention? Secondly, my primary four students can spell better. It's not "dun". It's "don't". And lastly, you have to learn that you don't own people. Again, even my kids in school know that in order to request people to do something for you, you have to ask kindly. It's basic courtesy.

Whenever I get emails from certain sources, I find myself having to remind myself to relax and take it easy before i click "Open Mail". For a while, the world found peace, serenity. But once the email's open, I find myself seething with fury as all hell breaks loose. Yet I always find the civility reply with grace.

"Thank you for your kind email".

One should bear in mind that even it its electronic form, we are conversing with real people who have their own thoughts, opinions and will form judgements of us which may not necessarily be nice. And in a working environment especially, emails like the above will only prove how unworthy you are in the organisation - that you just cannot get along with others and others just can't give a damn about you. And if you hold some kind of position of authority (real or perceived) you'd automatically fall into the category of a power-hungry immature amateur.

Tags: email ettiquette, manners