Grouses of a Seriously Unfunny Circus Monkey

Grouses of an seriously unfunny circus monkey

“Hullo… Hey, you’re funny. You made me laugh so freaking hard. I’m sitting on my bed now naked and drying my hair. But thinking of what you said in the morning made me burst out laughing. I like you already. Tell me more funny stuff. Make me laugh! More, please! You’re awesome!”

I have not the slightest idea why people would normally perceive me as a funny guy when they first come to know me. Perhaps in one inspired, opportune moment, the little stand-up comedian living inside me reaches out to make himself heard. And it’s him - not me - that makes people laugh. Whatever it is, I am fine with taking all the credit.

Well, I am glad I can be a source of some wholesome, quality amusement. And I hate to reveal this, knowing such revelation may even dramatically decrease my already low blog readership. But the truth be told, I am not a funny person. I am in fact a serious person who does serious stuff.

I spend my days observing the breathing patterns of the specks of dust that has gathered around my bedpost. At night I occupy myself by counting the number of red hair on my non-existent purple cat. As a hobby, I take the delight in giving names to each member of the ant colony that has now taken over my toilet – only serious names like Margaret, Richard, Andrew.

Please do not be disappointed if you no longer crack under my jokes. Please do not be alarmed if I get cranky the whole day. Trust me, I am just being focused with serious stuff.

The seriously serious person that I am, I can be seriously perturbed when I am expected to be someone I really am seriously not.

I woke up today feeling like a retired circus monkey now living under the keen observation of a young, naïve and unreasonably enthusiastic audience.

“I saw him at the circus, Mommy. He can do those swirly-wirly tricks. The fat guy at the stall said I can have him for $1.77, inclusive of GST. Watch him do tricks, Mommy. Isn’t he the cutest thing? Isn’t he funny?”

This monkey quietly sits in the corner observing all the fuss about him. He sits without budging. Its arms tightly folded with an unmistakable oh-my-god-this-is-ridiculous look on his face.